I'm sorry ... what's your name?

Ok, so I know we’ve all encountered people such as this, but I’m curious and thought it might make for a fun short blog post.  So I was at my son’s little league practice the other day having a sane and enjoyable conversation with one of the other mom’s, when out of the blue came a mom who by the end of the practice will forever be known as MHL.  (medical history lady).  I don’t call her that because of the fact that I’m trying to be mean or hateful, but for the sole fact that I have NO idea what her name is and she must be identified. 

 

As I was discussing something as simple as the joy Starbucks brings me or whether or not the weather will ever warm up, when I was interrupted with a woman from about 6 feet away saying “I had surgery yesterday and I was in too much pain to go to work today, but my daughter was so sweet all day I didn’t have to bend over to pick up anything for her”.  WTC?  (what the crap).  Where the hell did that come from?  Not that I’m uncompassionate, or that I can’t have empathy for her, but the social cues were just not there.  Both the other mom and I looked at her and said something to the effect of “oh, that’s too bad, I’m sorry”.  We sincerely were feeling for her as I’m sure we’ve both been in similar situations with different ailments. 

 

We continued our conversation between the two of us that had moved onto fundraiser the league is doing and trying to coordinate it when we hear “You know, I have cancer cells but I don’t have cancer”.  We both look over to MHL and a little baffled and then she went on to say “Yeah, I have biopsies weekly but they have to put me to sleep because I’m terrified of needles and they just put one of those masks over my face and do it when I’m knocked out”.  Still shocked she obliviously continued “Yeah, both my kids were born naturally because I’m so scared of needles”.  At that point I looked at the sane mom and nearly ran to hide in my car with my son in fear that I’d hear about her colonoscopy next.  Some things are just not meant for strangers to hear.  All of the above qualified. 

 

So I ask, does anyone know the real name of MHL on Braden's baseball team, or possibly even which kid on the team is hers??  

How 60 homeless children touched me forever

So a few years ago my co-worker told me about an event her brother did every year for under privileged kids here in our area.  Here’s how it goes.  60 kids, ranging in age from 4-12, from area shelters are chosen to enjoy an afternoon/evening in the North Pole with Santa, Mrs. Clause and all his “elves”.  I was very touched by the story and even more touched this year when my co-worker asked if I would like to be an elf.  I was beyond excited for this adventure!  I had decided my elf name would be “Bella” (if you need explanation for this please read my twilight journey blog), and my job in the North Pole, when I wasn’t making toys for the big guy, was that I got to put the bells on the reindeer’s harnesses!  My elf persona was created! 

As I started to put my costume together and began my own personal holiday season I lost a little of the excitement for the event.  I was still excited, but the reality of how much energy and time was going into it was weighing on me.  It wasn’t until the morning of the event did I feel giddy about it again!  But there it was Saturday morning and I was up at 4:00 like a child on Christmas morning!  I got ready and felt silly in my red and white stripped tights, green swim skirt I got at goodwill, red short sleeved shirt over a white fitted fleece, finished with my low topped chucks!  I put my hair in pigtails (after all I was only 109 … most the elves I knew were well over 300 years old), and OVER did my make-up.  Boy did I feel like an ass.  But it was for a good cause … right?  So I walked downstairs when my 8 year-old sees me and his eyes shoot open and he exclaims “MOMMY, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!”  I realized that through the eyes of these children we would look pretty fun!  Success!  (sorry the picture’s so terrible)

We showed up to the airport hangar a.k.a. “The North Pole” where I found a little city set up and decorated to the 9’s!  I’d never seen anything like it!  They had a place for Reindeer (real pooping furry reindeer), an ornament shop(a craft stop), train depot (where the train went to the back behind a wall through a tunnel and came back with more presents for each child), a place for the band, a fix-it shop (where they had medical elves … shout out to Dr. Irving and Nurse Stitch), then there was face painting, Mrs. Claus’s sweet shop where the kids could pick out all the cookies and candies they wanted, and then a Magician’s show … then of course there was THE BOOK.  This is where each child got to see if their name was in the nice section or the naughty section (mine’s in the naughty … I peeked).  Lastly it was the big guy himself … Santa … you might have heard of him.  He’s kind of a big deal.

It was overwhelming to say the least.  Not to mention the few hundred elves that were milling around.  Some of them were kids from Lewis and Clark high school, I met a gal who was a pharmacist, business owners and many college students as well as college professors.  It was a mix of all ages, not unlike what an imaginary North Pole might look like. 

They fed us a fantastic lunch and we then went over the rules.  I was to be a camera elf so I got to be designated paparazzi for my designated children on the red carpet of the N. Pole!  (NOTE TO READER: I could not post any pictures of the children on here)  I was quite excited!  Before I knew it we were on the busses from the hangar to the airport … it was time to meet the kids!  3 busloads of elves descend on the airport … travelers were scared/amazed!  We started Christmas carols through the airport and before we knew it the busses carrying the children were finally here!

As I saw these little ones I saw many things … first I saw torn, threadbare coats.  Then I saw one boy about 9 who looked angry … not angry like he was hostile, but just untrusting and ready to pounce if necessary … clearly it had been necessary before.  Then I saw the angry boy’s little brother.  He looked nervous but nothing angry in his sweet eyes.  Their mom had done their hair so very special for this monumental occasion.  Dressed in their best clothes, but still completely untrusting.  These brothers were in my group but not in my small list of kids I was responsible to photograph.  It was then that I met two sisters … apparently these sisters had another sister who was supposed to attend however her dad came and got her on Friday to take her back to Iowa … he couldn’t wait 24 hours to allow his daughter to have the night of a lifetime.  Sickening that a parent would or could be so selfish.  So Addy (I’m making up names to protect these kids … not sure that it’s necessary, but nonetheless), and Izzy were immediately my favorites in my group!  Addy was 4 and that girl will be a track star!  She was dubbed the rest of the night “The Runner”.  Within 10 minutes of being at the airport she sprinted through security smiling from ear to ear … her elf (luckily a young college student that now will not be birthing children for quite some time after this experience), was not far behind her but couldn’t quite catch her before TSA.  FIY, TSA agents were smiling from ear to ear as well … not something you see every day.  They were even taking pictures with their cell phones (not unlike other travelers we saw in the airport).  Izzy was a sweet girl who loved her elf Gum Drop but was also enjoying my company as well … we really clicked.  Another child that caught my attention was Mark age 9.  This boy was untrusting and not sure about all of us crazies.  He acted out a little and I’ll admit, he was showing the early signs of elf abuse.  Luckily his elf was a young college boy as well so he had a bit of energy to exert.  This young man Mark was clearly just finding who he was and where he belonged in his eternally changing situations.  When I first started taking pictures of Mark he just gave me a patronizing smile that was more smug and irritable then anything … he was my project … I’d get a real smile out of him if I died as a baby elf at only 109 years-old … tragic. 

As we waited for the airplane, all the children all received a heavy duty sweatshirt and a buffet of yummy warm food.  For these kids they might not have eaten anything warm since they’d been at school the previous day.  After eating and sitting in their color coordinated groups the children were gifted a nice back pack full of pens, crayons, books, notebooks and all sorts of fun school supplies.  I think what surprised me most about this part of the event is when the Izzy squealed over a fuzzy pink pencil and thought it was the coolest thing she’d seen.  It was proceeded by “Bella, I really want you to have this, it’s so cool, I know you’d love it”.  This is when I saw that these children knew what it was like to be without and were willing to do so in order to bring someone else the joy they so badly wanted.  Ok, wiping away my own tear.  I convinced Izzy to keep her beloved pencil and to write me letters with it. 

Loading the airplane was tricky for me.  For those of you who know me personally you’ll know my fear of flying runs DEEP.  It’s not pretty.  But here I was Bella the Elf with all these little ones who’d NEVER been on an airplane, and since they did not hand out sedatives prior to the doors closing I was going to have to tough it out!  I of course sat next to Izzy and Gum Drop and off to the North Pole we went!  I guess the flight flew over Coeur d’Alene and then right back down to the Spokane Airport.  (I’d like to give another shout out to Alaska Airlines who donated their plane, fuel and staff for this event … 100’s of Alaska Airline’s Crew put their names in a lottery to be able to donate their time, only a few were selected … bless you!) 

We taxied up to the “North Pole” hangar where many more elves were waiting for us to get off the plane.  There was so much hussle and bussel and sheer excitement!  The kids all packed into the hangar and were immediately transformed!  What they saw clearly blew their minds because it was the looks on their faces.  This is where I wish I could post pictures of what I saw because words can’t come close to even drawing a parallel. 

Mark who’s tough guy shell was crumbling by the second, was finally feeling the excitement.  He found his little brother Matt and was being sure he got the full experience.  Izzy and Addy were taken aback as well.  We first took the kids to the face painting where they received a fun stocking FULL of goodies to add to their loot, then it was off to Mrs. Claus’s kitchen where they were given free rein of all the yummy treats people had brought in.  Cookies, fudge, lolly-pops, everything a kid could imagine.  This portion was possibly put together by Willy Wonka himself.  I was struck because I didn’t see one child take more than their fair share of candy and goodies, and not only that I found that so many of the children were sharing with their elves … again, children who have nothing showing us how to give.  Humbling.  Inspiring.  From there we went to make ornaments in the craft station.  This is where Izzy made an ornament for her mom and then promptly wanted to make one for Mrs. Claus because she had spent so much time on making her the goodies.  Mark was helping Matt with his ornament, being sure he didn’t miss out on anything that was available to him.  This was the first time I got a great picture of Mark … his guard was down, even if only for the moment. 

The night was drawing to an end.  It had seemed like it only took about 20 minutes once we got to the North Pole but we’d been there for HOURS.  I’m guessing Addy’s (our little runner) elf felt like she’d been there much longer as she was constantly on the run, but for me it was but a flash.  All of the children got to see Santa and received a gift they’d specifically asked for so now it was time for Mrs. Claus to read us our story.  This is when all of the children received their special North Pole blanket and pillow.  Each child snuggled up with their elf to listen to The Polar Express.  I never knew Mrs. Claus was such a great story teller!  Mark curled up with his brother, Izzy held Addy as she was falling asleep and were captivated by the story that they themselves were living out.  This time was so very tender.  I stopped and said a prayer for these children … that they’d be ok.  You could see that each of them were truly miracles of their own circumstance and knowing the odds some of them wouldn’t make it.  I just want them each to know how uniquely special they were, but knowing I’m only one elf I wouldn’t be able to impart that on all of them. 

So as they packed up their backpacks, gifts and donned their coats they came in with we took them to the “magic transport” (which consisted of a hallway with blinky strobey looking lights), that sent them back to Spokane.  Outside there were a dozen limo’s waiting to take these children back to the shelter that they came from. 

After a day that felt like a week both physically but mainly emotionally I was spent.  When I got home I could have slept for WEEKS.  I was exhausted.  It’s taken me nearly 2 weeks to get this blog post out as I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around the whole experience.  These children were EXTRORDINARY!  They had NOTHING … yet their first instinct was to give.  How do I teach that to my own children who want for nothing?  That is my project this year, to teach my boys what it is to give, humbly, with love and no expectation of return.  Then when they’re older I can tell them about Mark and Matt, Izzy and Addy, and the eternal imprint they left on my heart. 

Drivers Ed

Recently it has been alarmingly apparent that I am surrounded by drivers of very little to no skill.  You know what who I’m referring to, unless I’m referring to you … sadly, most incompetent drivers are painfully oblivious to the fact that they should not only have their license revoked, but they should also be punished for their crime of irritation!

I’d also like to be sure that I’m clear that I have been known to have a bit of road rage.  I prefer to call it “decent driver education”.  One of my many services I provide.

Ok, so, here is an exhaustive list my pet peeves:

As of late, my most common encounter is the lovely “I actually think I’m in a parade so no reason to drive above 25 mph in a 35 mph zone”.  So as I seethe in my driver’s seat and verbally assault them, I’ll roll down my window and actually do my best princess wave.  Someday I’ll purchase a sash and tiara to make the whole charade believable.  To the best of my knowledge no one has caught on yet because if they did so I’d like to think they’d catch the hint and give me the greatest gift known to mankind and DO THE SPEED LIMIT! 

Being cut off is also on my list.  Not being cut off because someone’s in a high speed chase with the police due to trying to flee from a bank robbery (because that I could sympathize with), but because they’re mentally incapable of paying attention to their surroundings.  As per my previous confession of “decent driver educator” I’d like to give you an example of my early years of educating the masses.  This could be the instance where I got my official credentials.  I was approaching the Tacoma Narrows Bridge (the summer before my Senior year of High School and I was working at a Christian Horse Camp), when a man cut me off ... exceedingly cut me off, he didn't see me at all because he wasn't ... drumroll ... paying attention!  Sadly for him, the traffic almost immediately came to a standstill directly following his not so strategic driving maneuver.  Without delay I jumped out of my car after slamming on my emergency brake (knowing that traffic was not moving as far as I could see in front of me), and walked right up to his window and beat on his window instructed him to get off his phone (there might have been a few ‘not so Christian horse camp’ words spewed at him, but the frenzy was so intense some of it has escaped my memory, I doubt it's escaped him).  There are those drivers who are capable of multi-tasking and clearly, he was not a contender in a multi-tasking speical olympics.  After verbally abusing him, I returned to my vehicle and thought my favorite thought … my mother would be proudish.  HA!  Obviously, to him and so many others, paying attention is of great importance when operating heavy machinery.  I was fortunate that he was so shocked by the 5 foot 2 inch 110 lb teenager in his window that he just stood there and stared at me rather than the alternative of shooting me.  It was Tacoma, WA after all.  The root to this sort of evil is the incapable multi-tasker.  If you can't text/talk and drive then for the love of all that is holy, DONT!

On the flip side of that, when an error is made if someone waves and gives the appropriate apology and proper acknowledgment of their error the educator in me is calmed and can have sympathy for the error.  It’s when there’s no understanding or realization of the offense when the wild Indian in me comes out wielding a tomahawk and ready to do some scalpin!

One error in judgment that is UNACCEPTABLE is seen in the photo below:

I see two types of people in this picture.  1) a narcissistic ass who sees nothing but themselves.  This driver is also in the previous pet peeve as well; they see no one else by themselves and don’t really care to.  In my opinion this is the worst driver and lowest form of human being in general.  Sadly, they do live among us.  2) a blind person who let their seeing eye dog drive them.  I like #2 better.

How about those who don’t use their blinker and expect you to read their mind?  Unfortunately I’m not a psychic, but generally I’ll be able to tolerate those a bit better as I can insult them as I drive in a different direction.

Let’s move back to the freeway.  Now, growing up in the Seattle area I’ve seen my fair share of traffic and can usually weave in and out with all the accuracy of a Hollywood stunt driver.  However, let’s again think about the simple rules of the freeway.  What is the far right lane for?  That’s right, for merging onto and off of the freeway.  What’s the center lane(s) for?  Oh yeah, that’s the traveling lane.  What is the far left lane reserved for?  Holy Smokes, it’s the PASSING LANE!  Let me repeat this in case there are a few less informed out there reading this.  THE PASSING LANE!  Not hanging out drinking your sugar free, extra foam soy gingerbread latte while talking to your BFF Rose on your hands free, it’s for PASSING!  This requires ACTION, not just driving forward at the same speed as the 1953 Chevy next to you … they are not your friend PASS THEM!  THEN, after you’ve passed them you get out of the passing lane, as you are FINISHED PASSING!  Then you move to your right to TRAVEL … remember, that’s what the middles lanes are for.  Any questions?

Now, onto a little shred of fun:

Lastly, how many people have a GPS?  Ok, if you don’t then welcome to the 21^st century, get one and name him/her.  We have two, Claire and Alice (yes, from Twilight, duh, she knows everything).  Our GPS’s are sweet and so extremely patient.   Basically the opposite of my personality … infact sometimes I wonder if my husband wishes he married Claire?  So since my GPS is showing me up as a wife I Figured I could invent one that insults you when you go the wrong direction.  That way my husband felt like I was in the car when he was away on business.  I know what you’re thinking … ‘that Sue is BRILLIANT’ followed by a ‘where do I get one?’

So I ask … what insult would you add to the offensive GPS and what would you name him/her??  Additionally, what’s your biggest driving pet peeve. 

E v. J??

So recently there was a contest through the Seattle Times so I entered (don't know when they'll announce the winners, doubt I'd win anyway), and I had less than 24 hours to put it together.  Kind of fun!

This is a subject that many a teenage girl has been supremely committed to!  So much so that I’ve heard actual fist fights have ensued.  I’m guessing with so many Twi-mom’s out there now (myself included), that there have been many debates with them as well.  As for me, I suppose (not unlike Bella), that I’m Switzerland.  Neutral.   For someone who’s not finished the series I can see where a “team” might come into play.  But, since I know the ending (at least the ending so far, I’m secretly BEGGING my new idol Stephenie Meyer to extend the series), and understand how it’s all knit together, I’m left feeling teamless.  However, for the sake of argument and for our thoughts on who Bella truly belongs with, let’s address both of our fictional treasures!

Team Edward.  So let’s break down our beloved Edward Cullen.  He’s a mythical creature that we’re all longing to find, not unlike a woman as she’s looking for “the one” from the time she starts liking boys in the 3rd grade!  Let me be clear, not only is Edward fictional because he’s in a book and he’s a vampire, but these guys DO NOT EXIEST!  Not because our guys aren’t great, or that they can’t possess some of the qualities but show me this truly perfect guy who can keep this up long term?  Not promising.  We are humans, which, in turn, mean we are not perfect.  Possibly, that’s why Stephenie made him a vampire, so that we could actually believe the story a bit more than if he were just some guy.  So what is it that we love about Edward?  Wow, well for one, Stephanie writes him as excruciatingly beautiful, educated, articulate, genuine, polite, a caretaker, thinks of others first, he’s constantly asking himself if he’s doing the right thing for the girl he involuntarily loves.  This is his epic struggle through the entire series.  So, do we love him?  I certainly do.  Some would disagree.  They find him moody, controlling and unable to “figure it out”.  But again, I find that when he’s in that turmoil it’s only to find where he belongs in life, if in fact he is living.  Doesn’t every girl/woman want to be loved by someone so much that they can’t be away from us (I just puked a little in my mouth, but it’s true at least to a point), and a chap who can find us at our worst and still think we’re amazing; someone who will be there to catch us when we fall, but will allow us fall?  And many of us ladies find intrigue in a bad boy who’s trying so hard to be good … again, Edward fits into this category.  The most important thing I find in Edward is that Edward is secure; safe.  There’s nothing a woman wants more than to feel safe.  That is Edward.  Now, let’s discuss what Jacob brings to the table.

Team Jacob.  I have to state for the record that I LOVE JACOB!  I too am an Indian girl, so I can relate to him in SO many ways!  He is fun, he’s impulsive (which does get us into trouble of course, but who can blame him, and what fun is there in being uptight and safe all the time), loyal, protective, spontaneous, and the boy (and I do mean boy … child, seriously, he’s underage and I should be writing none of this), has a heart as big as they come.  He loves Bella unabashedly and without apology.  He wears his heart on his sleeve to a fault.  Ok, he’s cute too, but again I repeat, underage (I realize Edward is 17, but he’s been 17 so long that he’s not actually 17 anymore).    I see that Jacob wants Bella to be happy and he just can’t fathom that with Edward the blood sucker.  The boy takes EVERY possible chance to get Bella to fall for him and is usually patient with her as she’s coming out of the inconceivable pain caused by the loss of her true love.  Jacob knows he’ll never replace that for her, but he’ll die trying.  He knows Bella’s heart in and out and will do anything to keep her from feeling some of that pain, even if it means causing pain to himself.  Who does that??  Even Edward put Bella in danger (even if it was calculated danger with Alice knowing the future and all), by being around her when he could snap at any given moment.  Jacob wanted nothing by Bella’s happiness.  Jacob too knows Bella inside and out and also gives her that security; safe place.  The choice is an impossible one, but to me is none the less clear. 

So, if you’re asking who I think is best for Bella I’d say hands down Edward.  Not only is he the one she TRULY loves but the poor girl can’t walk on a flat surface without falling and bleeding.  She needs both Edward and Carlisle to keep the poor thing in one piece.  Here’s the deal.  I HATED New Moon at first because he LEFT her … not only did he leave her, he left her unprotected and with a secret burden no individual should be required to bear.  Jacob came into her life as an integral part of helping Bella heal and remember who she was, with or without Edward.  Jacob too has an undeniable connection with Bella, and without question holds a place in her life, her family.  So when she was finally reunited with Edward she knew without question to whom her heart belonged to.  Without that drought of vamps she would have never know how deep her love for him truly flowed and neither would Edward’s.  He realized that possibly Alice could be right. 

In the end, Bella belongs with Edward.  For me?  I would like to put in a request for a hybrid.  How ‘bout it Stephenie??  ;-)

My Twi-Journey!

As I’m sure all of you know (if you know me at all), that I LOVE, LIVE, BREATHE Twilight.  Now, this post is to make it clear about my allegiance to the subject.  I had never even heard of the books until the first movie came out.  When I saw the previews and started hearing all the hoop-la about it my natural instincts were to resist at all costs.  I thought vampires were weird and dorky.  I mean, this wasn’t the Francis Ford Coppola version of tasteful vamps, these were TEENAGE VAPMIRES.  I had no desire and could not appreciate or understand the obsession over these teen vamps.  I mean, give me a break … the kid who played the main roll, according to my beloved Perez Hilton, looked like he hadn’t bathed in his entire lifespan. 

Needless to say, I did NOT see the movie in the theaters and was NOT interested in the books. 

Then as I was talking to a seemingly normal co-worker, and we were talking about how we needed a good book series to get into.  That’s when she told me I HAD to read Twilight.  My thoughts about her changed immediately (sorry Linds).  She wanted me to join her cult.  Clearly she was not as “normal” as I had originally thought her to be.  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I hid my internal judgment of her.  She offered to bring me the book the following day and I said “Oh, don’t worry about it … I don’t know if I have much time to read right now” but true to her word the following day she brought the first book.  I took it home that night (mainly just to spare her feelings), and then it sat in my house for 3 weeks.  I finally looked at the book and thought … I need to take that back to her, but if I don’t read it then I’ll feel bad, and I didn’t want to feel bad.  But if I read it then I can tell her I’m not interested and that I think she’s nuts … or something nicer I’m sure.   So that evening I started reading it.  And so it began.

The following day I came into work telling my other co-worker that I started it.  She giggle a little at me but I told her that so far it’s at least intriguing … I found that I was more than interested, I was enjoying it.  Over the next few days I upped the ante and became officially “involved” in the book.  So much so that on Thursday when I was to head over to Seattle for the weekend I needed to get the audio book so that I could listen to it on the long drive.  I couldn’t go that long without reading it!  I hadn’t seen the movie or read any spoilers, nor had I seen the movie, so I truly had NO CLUE what would happen in the book.  And it was true, I was legit, I was a fanpire.

The next 2 weeks were filled with reading (which included ANOTHER trip to Seattle), I poured over these 4 books.  It was unbelievable.  Some of the craziness included … fake trips to the bathroom when visitors were here (sorry mom and dad), obsessing and nearly collapsing at work when not reading (here is where I refuse to incriminate myself, use your imagination) … reading at a Major League baseball game … many work nights not going to bed until 2 am … and finally ignoring my family because I HAD to find out what happened next.  At one point when I got home from work my oldest son said “mom, are you going to read again?  I’m hungry!”  Pizza was promptly ordered. 

Here I am at Safeco reading Eclipse.  Relax, it happened.  Fact.

I’m trying to put my finger on what exactly was so magical about this story.  I’m not one who gets carried away too easily … no wait, I am … but not over something cheesy!  The way it was written was like nothing I’ve ever read before.  The love story along with all the other relationships (including friendships, families etc), were like a dream.  Every night for a month I dreamt of being a Cullen, however it’s clear, to some, that my Indian blood runs quite thick.  The twists and turns she threw in I never saw coming!  And nearly EVERY part of the story came to a close, you weren’t left hanging.  (however, I personally think she has room to expand if she’s ever wanting to, hint hint Stephenie).  The way she wrote about the characters made it hard to believe that this wasn’t factual.  And all of this because of a dream Stephenie Meyer had one night in June 2003.  Now for those of you who’ve not read the series and have made it this far into my shout-out I can guarantee you that I was not gung-ho about this and felt ridiculous many times (and I’m sure I will many more times).

Luckily I was NOT alone.  My other co-worker started reading too so I at least felt accompanied in my new infatuation.  She saw how into the books I was and she started reading along with me (which she was actually able to beat me, showoff).   Even my mother who didn’t even watch cartoons as a child because they weren’t real, started reading and I’d receive angry test saying “I CAN’T PUT THIS DAMN BOOK DOWN”.  A daughter is always at her highest high when she’s driven her mother to curse (I win).  Biggest bonus yet is that I found that some of my friends too were Twerds!  There were a few that were just as “passionate” (they prefer that over the word obsessed) as I was regarding Stephenie Meyer’s remarkable gift to us readers.  For some reason we all felt the same way about Twilight … it has brought us closer as we all have a common bond between us!  And we all became HUGE fans of Lauren’s Bite Blog (BRILLIANT individual she is ... she also has another blog as well that's filled with quirky joy around every corner), and found the journey’s of Pocket Edward!  If you’re not aware of her brilliant invention here’s what it is.  Edward Cullen action figure in pictures all over the place that end up being HILARIOUS!  In my friend’s and I’s adventures with PE have given more laughs than should be allowed by grown ass women playing with an action figure ever should be permitted.  Pocket Edward has even made his way back home to Forks and broke the treaty (not by his own means), by going to La Push as well!  PE is our little rebel!  Recently we’ve expanded our pocket family to include Pocket Alice and Pocket Jacob!  (pause, the men in the white coats are currently coming my direction)

Oops, no wait, that’s just me in my Dr. Carslile Cullen coat!  Phew!

Here’s PE breaking the treaty on First Beach in La Push!  REBEL

Here’s our little vege vamp whispering in his exotic meal’s ear “don’t worry little one, all zebra’s go to heaven”

Here’s PE when he was making the treaty with the Quilutes … is that Billy before he needed a wheelchair? 

No explanation needed.

Here is a favorite of mine … my friend from work made this for me … I nearly DIED!  Gurl, I’ve been touched by a vampire!

Lastly (and clearly the most disturbing/interesting), here are PE and PJ in college, experimenting. I did NOT set this up.  I swear.

So now I was on to watch the movie.  I knew that rarely does a movie capture what happens in a book, but a few have.  For example: The Notebook or A Walk to Remember.  Those movies were moving.  However, I knew that was unlikely for me with my Twilight.  It had already gotten mixed reviews and even my fellow Twihard’s were not feelin’ it.  However, those who hadn’t read the book said they enjoyed it … and some even watch the movie and then decided to read the book, so it couldn’t be that bad right?  I was wrong.  I was NOT impressed.  Here are my problems with it:

1)    They changed so much about the book to the movie.  In a movie I might see more back story about characters, but they did back story about characters that were not  even close to how the story went.  They added stuff that didn’t have any purpose (“butt crack Santa”) and took out things that I felt were HUGELY important and/or missing.  Like Bella cooking for Charlie or the Blood typing scene.  These were instrumental in character development … this takes us to point #2
2)    Lack of character development.  The books could only “work” if Stephenie could develop the characters into ones that we can relate to or at least understand.  The movie rushed through every scene like their butts were on fire.  Never did I fully get the feeling why Edward or Bella had any sort of connection other than what I already knew from the book.
3)    Low budget.  Seriously, I know they had very little budget but it’s not too difficult to be sure make-up is blended correctly, or that they have the correct kind of car (ie, Oregon license plate on a Dodge is totally different than a Washington Volvo in the Port Angeles scene).  I am shocked that these sorts of errors would be allowed to exist. 
4)    Director.  Not at all trying to be rude, but the director seemed so WEIRD!  I’m glad for her that she got such a great opportunity, but this was just not her finest work.  It just seemed to be everywhere but no where all at the same time … how the hell is that possible?  I mean the meadow scene … doesn’t this seem more realistic??

5)    K-Stew.  WOW, I’ve never seen a more one dimensional performance EVER!  I’m firmly believing that this was responsible because of the director.  I’m BEGGING God that the director in New Moon will be able to pull more out of her other than stuttering and blinking.  I’ve seen her in other movies and I KNOW she’s capable of more.  In New Moon she’s got HUGE shoes to fill … she’s going to have to pull off a truly broken and shattered heart.

All that being said but I still watch movie over and over again in the sense that it’s just something more tangible of Twilight that I can have.   But one thing I love even more than the movie is making fun of the movie … here’s my VERY favorite spoof!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LdH7zVNXTU

The other positive thing that came out of the movie was a FABULOUS soundtrack.  TRULY, that soundtrack was unbelievable … had it not been for that I would find little redeemable.  New Moon’s soundtrack isn’t that great.  I’m really hoping that the movie is able to create that same emotional tie to the music as we got in Twilight … we’ll see.  Now, if you’re truly a twerd and want a copy of the soundtrack I made for New Moon (keeping in mind I don’t have the luxury musicians throwing their music at me to put it on a soundtrack), let me know and I’ll be happy to send it to you!

Now, as New Moon is coming out in 8 days (but who’s counting every single second before we’re sitting in those seats at midnight on that early morning), my hopes are set a teensy bit higher.  Some of the stills alone look better in every possible way than Twilight (2008) was.  We’ll see I suppose!  So I’ll cling to my tickets that have been in my wallet since the moment they were available and giggle with my girlfriends as my co-worker rolls her eyes one more time at my “vacation day” I’m taking on November  20th!  I’M READY!!!

So my next Twi-themed blog post will be regarding my pilgrimage to Forks … the birthplace of all things Twilight!  I had the best weekend of my adult life with 3 of the most amazing women. 

The Pukes

So I’ve been sick the past few days … not exactly my finest of days. I am not a good sick person. Many of my girlfriends say that their husbands are huge babies when they’re sick but in our household I would be the baby! 99% of the time I’ll go to work and still push myself to do normal life activities, but the second I walk in my door I’m DONE. And, I’m a whiner … also I could possibly fall under the category of an “over-sharer”. However, on the flip side, I get angry with myself when I’m sick because I can’t do all I need to do.

That being said, I woke up Thursday morning throwing up and nauseated so intensely that I thought I was going to pass out. Shaking and no strength. I had to text in sick to work as I couldn’t stand any longer than it took to get me from my bed to the toilet. I couldn’t even barely hold my phone long enough to text into my co-worker to tell her I’d not make it in. I was in bed all day and then that evening my oldest son had a school program. Had it just been a normal program I might have opted out, but the little darling had a solo. So, I got up to shower and get ready, feeling awful every step of the way. He had to be at the school early so I laid in the truck until right before it started. I’m so glad I went because even though I felt horrendous, he did fantastic and it truly lifted my spirits. I suppose at that point I had enough endorphins running through my veins that I felt certain I’d be able to head to work tomorrow and not leave them stranded again. However, when I woke up the next morning and sat up in bed I realized, it was no difference, throwing up again and feeling in complete misery, I text in for work again with my shaky hands. This day was an extra tough day to call into work because I knew that there would only be one person in the office to cover. Sorry Bean, I hope you still love me. Officially, I’m a terrible employee.

Friday was the worst day of them all. I was getting text all day long and it was nearly impossible to even answer them. I couldn’t get my body to stop shaking unless I was laying completely lifeless. Not to mention it was my best friend’s birthday and I wanted to call her and sing happy birthday … sadly by the time I was actually able to pick up the phone I was only capable of saying “happy birthday and I hope you’ve had a great day”. My loserdom is now complete. Then my sweet girlfriend asked she could come over to keep me company … bless her heart … but I had nothing … I just wanted to die in solitary.

Finally Friday night, the nausea started to subside … I was hoping it wasn’t like on Thursday night when the natural dopamine from watching my son perform was a cruel trick in making my body THINK it was feeling better. I just felt better! So I went to bed hoping and praying that I’d wake up feeling decent … when I woke up Saturday morning I realized I was BETTER!!! I’m still achy and feeling exhausted, but the pukes are officially gone! WOO HOO!

So I’m glad to be back online again as I wasn’t on my computer (with the exception of Thursday when I had to track down a missing UPS shipment for a friend) and back in the saddle! I also want to thank my hubby for taking great care of me! He really is so helpful … I am not like some wives who are just grateful if he wipes his own ass … he truly is the BEST! I always joke about being “so blessed” … but for those of you who know this man, you know his amazing talents. Thank you my spouse! I say this with ZERO sarcasm (I know, who knew I was capable of that), I am truly blessed and I love you!

I’m quite curious, how do you handle being sick?? Do your husband’s/wives step up to the plate? I’m POSITIVE that many of you are much more courageous than I! I want stories people!

Walmart

I’m SURE to offend someone with this one, but none the less it will be unleashed. *Disclaimer, I do realize this is not ALL experiences and people who shop at Wal-Mart ... it's not a blanket statement about all people or Wal-Mart customers, merely an experience I've had*

So this evening after driving home from a wedding in Seattle we decided to stop in at Wal-Mart to snag a few groceries for the week. We generally do not visit Wally World, but tonight we were exhausted and just ready to be home. It was our most convenient stop.

As we started our trek nothing monumental happened, just the normal pajama clad toddler (even though it was 4:00 in the afternoon), as well an occasional … well maybe frequent, unsupervised 6 year-old with no adultish type figure in site. We decided to head to the toy aisle to see if we could get ideas for Christmas. Again, uneventful and not unusual. As we started heading into the food is where we encountered our subject. She was a late 20’s early 30’s seemingly able bodied sound minded female. I thought nothing of it until the gal came a bit closer. She was wearing face paint. Now this wasn’t a left over from Halloween, this was full on paisley style design that was recently painted on with sparkles. I found it odd, but this IS Wal-Mart.

As we’re finishing up our bargain shopping and heading to the check-out we looked for the most coherent looking cashier. As I’m sure you know there must be some sort of prerequisite to be slow and emotionally unstable to be a cashier at Wal-Mart. There are a few exceptions to that rule (if you’re reading this and you’re a checker at Wal-Mart then I’m just SURE you’re an extraordinary example to that exception), and I was SURE I’d found one! She seemed to be alert, aware and able to have the ability to have more of a ‘Fred Meyer’ or ‘Safeway’ type conversation with her customers.

I went to unload all my groceries onto the belt and sent Luke and the boys off to a bench to wait for me since I knew that a check stand with children is never a good plan. After unloading my groceries the gal in front of me said “hey honey, do you want one of those wandy thingy’s to put between our crap?” I pointed out to her that I had already done that. I noticed right away the gal talking me was none other than ‘grown ass, seemingly mentally sound face-paint lady’. She OVERLY apologized about 14 times as my response each time was “no worries; not a big deal; it’s all good” … somehow, the paint must have soaked into her brain and she didn’t understand that socially it’s ok make a mistake. That should have been the kicker but just then I overheard the cashier say “well I’m going to let Jane take over for me so that I can take a break”. Quick, someone run and get me some razor blades, I’m feeling suicidal.

The new cashier was just the type I was trying to avoid. As face paint girl was next in line I looked at her “crap” and noticed that she had two separate orders divided by her “wandy thingy”. The first order had Sunkist Orange Soda (to drink immediately), Rib Eye steaks (I believe the package said it was $25.95 … for 3 steaks), lunchables, twinkies, and uncrustables. This order was paid for by her food stamps (which she couldn’t figure out how to use the card … like this was her first time to Wal-Mart … ok, that was funny). Her second order consisted of 4-pack of toilet paper and 3 6-packs of expensive beer.

Finally, after both my young sons are growing beards over on that bench, it’s my turn. The cashier is all in a fluster because she’s out of register tape. She takes about 10 minutes at least trying to figure out what the code is to get the register tape to magically replenish; when she finally realizes that it’s not happening she asks someone and they tell her she needs to actually open it and remove the old reel and then replace it with a new one. Rocket science, it’s true. Common sense, I’m going to vote no. So finally the tape is replaced with one that works, and crazily enough without a code. She begins to ring me up and proceeds to tell me about her ENTIRE life … everything bad that’s ever happened to her I am now the lucky bearer of. In the time it takes me to make dinner and get my entire family to eat it, I’m finally leaving a check stand at Wal-Mart.

Here are my problems.

First:
Clearly Wal-Mart needs to look at its level of acceptance for its cashiers. Are we really that short of a supply of people who can hold a socially acceptable conversation and exercise common sense? Not to mention that when she talked she had to cease her scanning so that she could inflict on me her latest car trouble tale. I’ve worked at a grocery store and possess the ability to have a normal exchange with another human while actually doing the job I’m being paid for. This is not, I repeat, NOT a counseling service (possibly a sandwich board is going to be put on my Christmas list).

Secondly:
How are we as a society ok with the welfare system as it currently stands? We have people who can’t afford to feed their children and a fantastic system that trustingly hands off tax payer’s money to those people. In my mind the welfare system is there for folks with legitimate disabilities and folks in need short-term hand up (I do realize there are other situations out there). Am I way off base?? Let’s say that I TRULY need help (and EVERYONE can be in that position faster than we think). Let’s say we’re out of work, or have a disability that causes our income to be at a level where we’re needing to accept help from our fellow man. I’m going to find myself purchasing with that money things such as ground beef, chicken, peanut butter, jam, bread, rice, beans, and other such nutritious things. I’d save EVERY penny and not spend anything more than what I need to keep my family nourished.

Truly, could you imagine spending “free” money on something more ridiculous? Twinkies, Lunchables, Uncrustables?? Oh, and the Halloween Candy was 50% off so she got us a deal on that one! Does she think the money grows on trees? SOMEONE IS PAYING THAT MONEY … TAX PAYERS, more specifically ME. I wanted to give her a lesson how to make a good ole’ PBJ rather than needing to spend $3.29 on 4 pre-made sandwiches. Not to mention, doesn’t she qualify for free lunch in public schools accompany her free medical care? Or is that dinner for her kids? I’m sure it’s out of convenience since she’s out pounding the pavement looking for gainful employment. All this to be said, even if she’s legitimately not working for realistic reasons I still feel that people who spend my money like this with no conscious at least owe me a thank you note.

As I grew up my family (mostly effective was my Granddad …. a farmer, need I say more), where you work hard, do a good job and feel good about it. You don’t get stuff unless you’ve earned it and when you do you feel GREAT about it. And my mom, who as a single parent worked 3 jobs to get off of welfare and make a good life for us. Where did we lose sight of this?

Lastly:
So I ask, the savings you get at Walmart worth it?? In my opinion no. As we probably did save $20 in grocery savings I now need to go to the doctor and get a prescription for an anti-anxiety medicine. I’m sure as hell not going to get it filled at Wal-Mart as the line is too long with all the people buying Sudafed to make meth.